When I was about 15 I wrote this worship song:
Thank you thank you thank you
thank you thank you thank you
thank you thank you thank you
God for making breasts.
Although I might now want to insert "my wife's" into the last line I think the sentiment still pretty much stands. And I don't believe I am the only man who feels this way...
Indeed, in Proverbs 5:18 in the NIV Bible it beseeches men to rejoice in the wife of their youth. And if any of them need any clarification as to what exactly that means it gets pretty down and dirty in the next verse by saying 'may her breasts satisfy you always'. Flip, I can barely believe it. But there it is right slap bang in the middle of the bible - God made breasts at least in part to bring satisfaction to husbands.
And if you are finding all this a bit saucy then don't even look at Song of Songs chapter 4 and all its talk about going to the mountain of myrrh until day breaks and to the hill of incense until the shadows flee. Or, for that matter, chapter 2 when the woman says that the man's fruit is sweet to taste and how she want him to refresh her with apples from his apple tree.
No matter how quiet we are about it in christian adult culture the bible bellows out sex-talk like a slightly embarrassing grandfather. We can't deny it - making whoopee is a profoundly biblical thing to do. God made us to bonk.
So, as point number one. Let's embrace that fact. Let us see our wives as fellow explorers on a God-ordained voyage of orgasm and arousal. It is a great adventure that married couples can go on together. Paul the apostle (who didn't have the pleasure of taking the journey himself) regularly recommended to his churches that married couples should spend a good amount of time in bed together (or something like that) to keep their relationships strong and their love sweet (or something like that).
And then as point number two, swiftly off the back of that, let's recognise that for many of us talk of arousal and orgasm and adventure and pleasure rings very hollow when we think of sex. We might not be married despite holding a ten-year membership on Christian Chat Cafe. We might be married but have physical issues that cause major problems with sex. Or we might be married and physically as buff as they come but just can't seem to make it work with our spouse. Increasingly I am realising that a huge number of us fall into these categories... and we trudge around in them feeling lonely and frustrated. And, if we sit in them like that for too long then we start to doubt the goodness of God and the goodness of women and the goodness of our penises and we start to act out destructive behaviours to either deny that sex is good or to pursue it in avenues that we shouldn't (and the bible has a lot to say about that as well).
Sex is another one of those issues where it really pays to understand the now and the not yet of the kingdom - where we can simultaneously embrace the promise and the wonder and the beauty of God's kingdom and at the same time be real about the way that is currently intermingled with the residue of the corruption and the struggle of our fallenness.
What I think we really need in our church are men like an old housegroup leader of mine. He was a GP so he had a bit of inside knowledge on the issue but he still chose to put it out there all the time (and I mean all the time!). He would always find ways to talk about sex, the problems with sex, the pleasures of sex and the beauty of his wife's body (I always felt a bit uncomfortable during those conversations, especially when it was summer and she was stood in the room wearing what a lot of women wear in summer). What I loved so much about him was that gave permission for all of us younger guys to talk with him about it. He helped me realise that some of the issues I had as a newly-married man were pretty common and fully legitimate to bring before God and trusted guys in the church. And he encouraged me to embrace the truly biblical understanding of our genitals; as pleasure palaces and intimacy builders, as love tools and worship instruments.
So when we chat please can I ask some of the older guys especially to be asking us younger guys how our sex lives are? And for us to be asking each other this in a sensitive and loving kind of way, giving permission for us all to share our struggles and our issues and our concerns.
And at the same time let's encourage those of us who are married to pray for great sex with our wives and to work hard at helping them and us together go on this voyage of delight that has been charted out for us by our God.
Wednesday, 30 May 2012
Monday, 28 May 2012
A life well lived
For a few hours yesterday afternoon I thought I was going to die. My whole body ached, my stomach was killing and my head felt like it was being crushed between Mr T's hands. And so I thought I was going to die (the fact that I had watched Steven Soderburg's film Contagion the night before where people did die of similar symptoms did not help!).
And it made me think about life. If I was to die, would I have lived like I wanted to? Would I have lived like God has wanted me to? Would I have lived well?
And this sort of fits into some stuff I have been thinking about the two Joshuas in the bible. The first Joshua was a no-holes-bared, strong-arm, courageous, victory-scars on the cheek kind of hero. He had led a whole nation into a territory full of giants and kings... and he had won. This Joshua had eyeballed enemy after enemy and he had smashed them all into oblivion. This Joshua had berated and cajoled his followers into great exploits and mighty victories. He had never failed to set the example or to be the first out on the pitch. And so he was a great man. I imagine he had biceps as big as my thighs and thighs as big as my torso and hair as wild and long as a wild, long-haired maniac. I imagine he would have been captain of his rugby team, and rapidly promoted in his business, and the recipient of massive Christmas bonuses and often talked about in the dying light of the Israeli evenings. In so many ways he looked like he had a life well lived. And yet I think he ultimately flunked it. This is what it says in Judges 2:8-11
"Joshua, Son of Nun, the servant of the Lord, died at the age of a hundred and ten... after that whole generation had been gathered up to their fathers, another generation grew up, who knew neither the Lord nor what he had done for Israel. Then the Israelites did evil in the eyes of the Lord and served the Baals."
Somehow this amazing man Joshua, this incredible, inspirational leader failed to provide any legacy. The fruit that the Lord bore in his life had gone rotten within a few years of his death. What a flipping tragedy.
Now I might be wrong but I think the reason for this might be found in the most famous of quotes of Joshua "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord"(Joshua 24:15). I know this comes at the end of a big speech where Joshua is calling all of Israel to stay true to the Lord, but I think that within it lies a hint, a small seed of suggestion that Joshua saw himself as separate from those around him. I wonder if Joshua was displaying a little hint of individualism - a smidgen of self-focus - when he declared that ultimately he would act like an example to others rather but not so much as an empower-er of them. Joshua's declaration seems to suggest that his leadership was about him doing what he thought was right and others deciding whether or not they would follow him.
The second Joshua didn't lead like that. One of the first things the second Joshua is recorded as saying is "come follow me, and I will make you fishers of me" (Mark 1:17). The second Joshua, Jesus, not only focussed on himself being an example to others but also on helping others become all that his Father had called them to be. Jesus' whole life was caught up with empowering others, with discipling others, with apprenticing them to him, with calling them out of their sin and into fullness of life by his side. And Jesus' life was ultimately summed up with that dramatic act of sacrifice on the cross where he died for the benefit of others. Where Jesus chose to lose the battle and have his reputation smashed so that others could ultimately been redeemed and empowered through the resurrection and pentecost.
As men I think it is so, so easy to live like the first Joshua and think we are doing a great job. It is so easy to focus on how many people attend our things and speak well of us. It is so easy to concern ourselves with thinking about how good an example we are setting. And yet, if we do that, I fear that our lives will bear less fruit than Jesus desires for us. Instead, a life well lived is one that aligns itself to others and seeks to help them become all that God has called them to be. It is about intentionally choosing 2 or 3 other guys and making time for them, choosing to speak out words of encouragement to them and to gently challenge them when they are off. It is about praying for them and grabbing coffee with them and sharing with them whatever God has been teaching you about recently. And, it is about investing in our children (if we have them). No one else will be a father to them. No other man will have so much permission to speak into their lives. No one else will have such insight into what is so good in them, or understanding of what is self-destructive and bad. No one else will have such potential to give them a flying start in life, making them ready to grasp hold of all that God has for them. But that doesn't just happen - we have to choose to make it so.
But if we do this, I am convinced that on that day when we lie on our death bed we will know that we have lived life well. We may not have the accolades that we might have had and we may not have scars on our cheeks but we will know that other men, and our children, are going on beyond on us. We will know that we have empowered others and enabled them to become more of who they could be and we will have faithfully passed on the baton with our life. There can be no better feeling than that.
And it made me think about life. If I was to die, would I have lived like I wanted to? Would I have lived like God has wanted me to? Would I have lived well?
And this sort of fits into some stuff I have been thinking about the two Joshuas in the bible. The first Joshua was a no-holes-bared, strong-arm, courageous, victory-scars on the cheek kind of hero. He had led a whole nation into a territory full of giants and kings... and he had won. This Joshua had eyeballed enemy after enemy and he had smashed them all into oblivion. This Joshua had berated and cajoled his followers into great exploits and mighty victories. He had never failed to set the example or to be the first out on the pitch. And so he was a great man. I imagine he had biceps as big as my thighs and thighs as big as my torso and hair as wild and long as a wild, long-haired maniac. I imagine he would have been captain of his rugby team, and rapidly promoted in his business, and the recipient of massive Christmas bonuses and often talked about in the dying light of the Israeli evenings. In so many ways he looked like he had a life well lived. And yet I think he ultimately flunked it. This is what it says in Judges 2:8-11
"Joshua, Son of Nun, the servant of the Lord, died at the age of a hundred and ten... after that whole generation had been gathered up to their fathers, another generation grew up, who knew neither the Lord nor what he had done for Israel. Then the Israelites did evil in the eyes of the Lord and served the Baals."
Somehow this amazing man Joshua, this incredible, inspirational leader failed to provide any legacy. The fruit that the Lord bore in his life had gone rotten within a few years of his death. What a flipping tragedy.
Now I might be wrong but I think the reason for this might be found in the most famous of quotes of Joshua "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord"(Joshua 24:15). I know this comes at the end of a big speech where Joshua is calling all of Israel to stay true to the Lord, but I think that within it lies a hint, a small seed of suggestion that Joshua saw himself as separate from those around him. I wonder if Joshua was displaying a little hint of individualism - a smidgen of self-focus - when he declared that ultimately he would act like an example to others rather but not so much as an empower-er of them. Joshua's declaration seems to suggest that his leadership was about him doing what he thought was right and others deciding whether or not they would follow him.
The second Joshua didn't lead like that. One of the first things the second Joshua is recorded as saying is "come follow me, and I will make you fishers of me" (Mark 1:17). The second Joshua, Jesus, not only focussed on himself being an example to others but also on helping others become all that his Father had called them to be. Jesus' whole life was caught up with empowering others, with discipling others, with apprenticing them to him, with calling them out of their sin and into fullness of life by his side. And Jesus' life was ultimately summed up with that dramatic act of sacrifice on the cross where he died for the benefit of others. Where Jesus chose to lose the battle and have his reputation smashed so that others could ultimately been redeemed and empowered through the resurrection and pentecost.
As men I think it is so, so easy to live like the first Joshua and think we are doing a great job. It is so easy to focus on how many people attend our things and speak well of us. It is so easy to concern ourselves with thinking about how good an example we are setting. And yet, if we do that, I fear that our lives will bear less fruit than Jesus desires for us. Instead, a life well lived is one that aligns itself to others and seeks to help them become all that God has called them to be. It is about intentionally choosing 2 or 3 other guys and making time for them, choosing to speak out words of encouragement to them and to gently challenge them when they are off. It is about praying for them and grabbing coffee with them and sharing with them whatever God has been teaching you about recently. And, it is about investing in our children (if we have them). No one else will be a father to them. No other man will have so much permission to speak into their lives. No one else will have such insight into what is so good in them, or understanding of what is self-destructive and bad. No one else will have such potential to give them a flying start in life, making them ready to grasp hold of all that God has for them. But that doesn't just happen - we have to choose to make it so.
But if we do this, I am convinced that on that day when we lie on our death bed we will know that we have lived life well. We may not have the accolades that we might have had and we may not have scars on our cheeks but we will know that other men, and our children, are going on beyond on us. We will know that we have empowered others and enabled them to become more of who they could be and we will have faithfully passed on the baton with our life. There can be no better feeling than that.
Monday, 21 May 2012
The call on a man
When I was a kid my grandfather lived in Scarborough on the North Yorkshire coast. And he was a lunatic. He had wild, white hair that stuck out in lots of different directions (a bit like Einstien's or an albino Beaker from the Muppets) and he had this permanent half-grin on his face. When we stayed with him - which we did for about 5 weeks a year - he would regularly look over at me as if he had never seen me before. He would fix his gaze right into my eyeballs and then raise his right index finger and speaking in a drawn-out Yorkshire accent "who... are you?" My brothers and I used to find it pretty funny - and my grandfather did too - but there was more to it than just joking around; he wanted us to really think about that question. He said it was the most important question in the world. And I think he was right. (As an interesting aside, when my grandfather got older he got senile dementia and then he really did keep asking who I was and at some point along the line he came to believe that I was an old school-friend of his called Sonny Cawper. Life is an interesting thing.)
I've been thinking about that question a lot recently - who am I? And I've also been tacking onto it a subsequent question - and what am I for? And when I've been reading the bible I've realised that nearly all the big players - Jesus, Paul, Peter, John - built everything on top of their understanding of who they were. Jesus knew he was Son of God and Son of Man. Paul knew he was apostle to the gentiles. Peter knew he was a servant and apostle of Jesus Christ. John knew that he was the beloved disciple, called to testify of the eternal life that he has seen and heard and touched. And so I ask myself the question - what is the foundation that I am building my life on? Who do I really think that I am? Because who I think I am will set the direction for all my actions and my desires and and hopes. And maybe you are in the same place too? Maybe you also are not yet able to sign off a letter with your name and a pithy description of your true identity?
And so, if we are truly to discover who we are, where do we look? Well, I think we could do a lot worse than to start with 1 Tim 1:15:
"Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners - of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life"
Out of this I take two major things:
1) I am a redeemed punk. I was a wicked man. I was an utter divhead. While I had some appearance of goodness, at my core I was actually hideously corrupted. I could find no valid basis for my identity within my own self. And yet Jesus came and rescued me. Jesus came and uncorrupted me. Jesus came and, in his mercy, began to fix my mind and my soul and my heart. Jesus gave me a basis of my identity that is in him. And so I am no longer 'the worst of sinners' but I am 'the worst of sinners who has been shown mercy'. My identity rests not in me but in what He has done to me - in how he has turned me around and made me new.
2) I am God's gift to the world. God has chosen to do something in me as a present to the whole world - to show others that they can have hope, to show others that they can have life. My identity is intrinsically linked to mission to people, to the salvation of the world. My identity is not just something to build me up but to build into God's over-arching desire to see all people set free.
And so, man of God, I encourage you to think upon these things. To find time to chew on these words. And after chewing on them to spend time in silence before the Father asking him to weld them into you and emboss them all over you. For if we do, then we really come to know who we are. And, once we know who we are then we can really live the full life that we are called to.
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